Poll of Passive Aggressive Complaining

[trouble]

So, a coffee shop moved in to my beloved tea shop. I miss my tea shop, deeply, but I also like having a place to drink hot drinks that's air conditioned and has tables and stuff, and thus, here I am.

And I got used to being around people who though "Accessibility matters!". I'm really missing that especially right now.

Noting that I've already asked people to stop putting the table out front so it blocks the only way for a wheelchair to get into this building (both this store and the one next door) twice, and both times people have said "Oh, yeah, that's important" and then not moved it until I've said "Look, my husband will be here soon, and he'd like to get in your shop, kk?", I ask this question:

Poll #3406 Wheelchair Accessibility: Is it optional?

Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 60

View Respondents

How many times will I need to ask the coffee shop to stop putting a table in front of the accessible entrance?

View Answers

3
1 (1.7%)

4
1 (1.7%)

5
2 (3.3%)

6-10
1 (1.7%)

11-15
7 (11.7%)

You will stop going before they stop doing that
48 (80.0%)

*sigh*

Comments

[littlemousling]

Is it wrong that my first thought is "get your husband or someone else to come along and intentionally ram right into said table"? That probably wouldn't help, but it might feel reeeeally good.

[trouble]

Perhaps right before we get the foot pedals replaced on the chair. :)

[telophase]

If you want vicarious feel-good: my boyfriend had a college friend who was in a wheelchair. When on campus, every time the friend would find someone without the proper tag parking in a handicapped spot, he'd park his chair right behind them and call the campus cops. More than once the car owner would come out of the building and yell at him, but he'd hold his ground and give them what-for right back until the cop got there and ticketed them.

[haddayr]

1. You are not being passive agressive.
2. I always get better results when I ask about accessibility myself; Jan they give lip service to. Me, sitting there, unable to get in? They can't just say: "oh, la la la la we'll get to it," because I am sitting RIGHT THERE.

[trouble]

Certainly this has been our experience too. I just hate for Don to have to ask and signal and stuff, with his voice still being so growly and his general levels of exhaustion. *sigh*

[staranise]

A month after you stop going there, some bored assistant manager will decide that the current interior looks stuffy and re-arrange it, making it marginally more accessible than it is right now.

[trouble]

Don read this comment and laughed a bitter bitter laugh.

[scruloose]

That is definitely annoying, and obviously indicative of the shitty underlying attitude... "Yeah, that's important (but not important enough to walk out the door and correct the situation)."

Also, as haddayr mentioned, this really doesn't fit the definition of passive-aggressive.

Now, this may have a lot to do with me not being as nice a person as you, but I've learned some strategies for getting people to do what I want, which may be of some use in this situation and others like it. (I'd like to make the obvious disclaimer here that it is entirely unfair for PWD and their allies to have to take the initiative all the time, and I realize that even if coping strategies help with a situation here and there, they are clearly only coping strategies, not a solution.)

I've found that making a really direct demand and then shutting up and staring expectantly can be remarkably powerful. An expectant silence tends to make people really uncomfortable, and they're likely to do something they would otherwise procrastinate (or agree to things they'd prefer not to) in order to make the uncomfortable stop.
So if I were in that particular situation, I might respond to their "Oh yeah, that's important" with "so we're going to move it, then?" *steady neutral/expectant stare*
And if the response was more platitudes or assurances rather than immediate movement toward the door, there's always "like, now?" *again the steady expectant stare*

Maybe I just have a jaded view, but in my experience, very few people are truly malicious or truly altruistic. Most are moderately self-centered and pretty lazy. Given that, the most broadly useful way I've found to get actual results out of people is to make it more of a hassle to deny you than to do what you're asking. Obviously this would be a terribly inappropriate attitude to take in, say, a friendship, but I've found it remarkably effective in customer service interactions and the like. Without getting rude or heated at all, I say "What I need you to do is this." Full stop, and let the expectant silence hang as long as needed. Repeat until a satisfactory result is forthcoming. Sometimes I hit a brick wall, at which point I politely ask to talk to a supervisor, who gets exactly the same approach, and sometimes even the supervisor does end up flatly denying me... but not very often.

Sorry for the ramble, but I offer all that only in the hope that it may be of some help.

[ginny_t]

I would love it if that worked for me. I don't have the necessary attitude (or size, but maybe I make too much of that difference). :/

[rainbow]

I second the direct statement and expectant look -- I've found looks to be highly effective in many situations. (Rude, intrusive questions get either the shocked "I can't believe you're that rude" look or the puzzled "you can't possibly mean what it sounds like you mean so I'm going to stare at you" look, for instance.)

[via_ostiense]

I'm sorry that you have to keep asking them, that's frustrating. Is it the same employees that you have to ask every time?

[trouble]

The first time I asked the person I spoke to said he would talk to the manager about it. Because "being accessible" is apparently something people need to run by management.

While that person wasn't here when I got here, it was because it was his lunch break, and he was back by the time the other employees realised I was serious about wanting them to move the damned table. Again.

But yeah - I've worked enough service industry jobs to know that the messages are slow to be passed along.

[chaosinabox]

The coffee shop isn't a Starbucks, is it? BOO, STARBUCKS.

If it's not, still, boo them for crappy accessibility.

[trouble]

No, it's a local chain. Although the Starbucks tend to be better in terms of accessibility because their head office is in the US and they follow the Americans with Disabilities Act.

[ginny_t]

Also, your poll is flawed: I don't believe you'll give up, but I think you're probably going to have to keep demanding it.

Oh, Cargo & James, why?!

[trouble]

I'm so sad they closed. :( :( :(

[jesse_the_k]

I think a midnight stencil run would be helpful. We turn away disabled customers with a hot-pink spray paint on the sidewalk just outside.

[lauredhel]

There were stickers with a disability logo on them and "INACCESSIBLE? UNACCEPTABLE!" in large letters, designed for slapping on places that weren't ok. Saves needing the spray paint.

[trouble]

TSK! Inciting people to public mischief!

....

It would be wrong to do that, right?

[firynze.livejournal.com]

Awww, your poor tea shop! A good tea shop is hard to find!

And ARGH, it's one thing to not notice or know, and another entirely to have something pointed out, SAY you're going to fix it, and then do nothing. That's just badbadwrong.

[troubleinchina.livejournal.com]

My poor tea shop. I miss my tea shop. It made me happy. :(

[sabotabby.livejournal.com]

WHY THEY DO THAT?

[troubleinchina.livejournal.com]

Because evil. :(

Poll of Passive Aggressive Complaining

[basking-lizard.livejournal.com]

oh ffs. That reallly sucks. :[

Re: Poll of Passive Aggressive Complaining

[troubleinchina.livejournal.com]

I MISS MY TEA SHOP OF AWESOME.

Also, none of the staff are as cute as you & Zoe.

SEE MY WOE.