trouble: "History Major: If you need me, come find me in the archives" (archives)
I wanted to chat a bit about what it is I do all day as a PhD Year 1 in history. Because, you know, I want to. And I have a journal. And people get curious.

it has photos! and is long )
Anyway, that's generally what I do. It's not terribly exciting, except for the bit where it totally is. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

ETA: It occurred to me that I could have replaced everything above with this:



Buffy: I'm starting to think this working hard is hard work.

Willow: Isn't it crazy like that?

Buffy: I thought it was gonna be like in the movies -- you know, inspirational music, a montage: me sharpening my pencils, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, 'cause in my montage, I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it's starting to hurt my occipital lobe.

Willow: Aw, poor Buffy's brain.
trouble: Fight *all* the oppressions? (all the oppressions?)
Found attached to an application to the Halifax School for the Blind:

Grant Falls, NB
27-October, 1921

Halifax School for the Blind,
C. F. Fraser, Supt.

Hon dear sir:--

The applicant, to my mind, is only short-sighted, is very unruly and is lacking extensively in grey matter (brain cells).

He will never become a poet, an orator, a musician or a signer [sic].

I would advise you to leave him with his father who is not more gifted than the son.

Yours truly,
Rev. T. [Redacted], D. D.


Yes, this was in the pile of rejected applications, but none of the rejected applications have notes indicating why they were rejected.

ETA: The very next application has someone, presumably the applicant's mother, writing across it "Will not leave her her. Go away from me now as she is not in a fit condition." :( It's like she was bullied into filling out the application.
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)
Thesis is coming along. I had a goal of 500 words today that I just squeaked past, but unlike other days, they are actually good words. I really think this chapter is going to look like a nicer version of what I have right now rather than something else entirely. (Sometimes I want to show my beta readers what my first drafts look like just so they can pat me on the head and say "Yes, you did so much better in the later drafts." Because I am a praise-fueled machine.)

I spent a bit of time feeling down because back in the day I used to be able to crank out a good 2000-3000 word essay in 24ish hours. Then I remembered that those essays were terrible, did not require any original research, and also, they were really really terrible. I never edited them beyond fixing grammar & spelling. I have no idea how I did well in uni at all.

But, yes, chapter is sitting at 2057 words. I'm aiming at 4000 for this draft. Some of the stuff I need to add I can't until I get into the Leg Library because I need to check the memorandums the Asylum was sending off and I can't find them in the boxes at the Archives, woe.

I'm gonna chill out a bit for the next half hour or so, then I'm going to do some footnoting, because I haven't done that. (all of my footnotes are (4AR) for Fourth Annual Report, for example.)

I'm really feeling good about this.
trouble: In your history emphasizing your cripples (cripples in history 2)
Hmm... I'm pretty sure I've seen Fighting in the Dark being referenced as written by Fraser, with some implication that the person quoting it had read this article or book.

The book, it turns out, is a very small collection of articles written by others.
Read more... )
So, basically, what we've got from Fraser is a bit about how uneducated blind people are ignorant and mean and live in perpetual darkness (educated blind people are awesome), and also they should work out lots because it gives them more confidence.

This is... not exactly what the people who have mentioned this book have led me to believe is in it.

Also, I have basically proven to my satisfaction that Fraser was getting paid. (I know! You were on pins & needles waiting for this!) The only way the amount of money they were putting out in wages works is either Fraser was getting paid, or they were paying the other teacher, the Matron, and the Steward individually more than they initially offered to Fraser two years earlier. So I think not. That myth is busted. Now I just need to decide if I want to address that at all in my thesis. (Tempted to toss it into a footnote.)
trouble: In your history emphasizing your cripples (cripples in history)
So, there's this mythology about C. F. Fraser that I've seen repeated a few places: that he refused to be paid as a teacher or Superintendent at the Asylum for the Blind until such time as it was making enough money.

I know that Fraser was offered money when he started at the Asylum as a teacher, because I noted that he was offered more money as a male blind teacher than the former sighted female Superintendent was making. There's nothing in the Minutes of the Board of Directors saying he'd refused the payment. They do discuss having met with him, though. I was going through financial records today but was looking at the credits and not the debits, so I don't know if his wages are in there. I know he was paid for the Concert Tours he went on. (So was everyone else, including the students, which I found surprising.)

I haven't looked at any of Fraser's Obits yet, so it may be in one of them. So the earliest mention I have is from this little pamphlet-type book published in 1939 (and last signed out of the library in 1979). Fraser died in 1925.

I think I first read the claim in Reading Hands, which is... I had a long discussion with some people about some issues with the book. Reading Hands and The Blind Knight of Nova Scotia (that's the pamphlet of never being read) are oft-cited by people doing fast bios of Fraser for things about Blind education in Canada written by people who think archival records in Nova Scotia are way too much trouble to consult. *cough*

So I'm suspecting the story is apocryphal, although I should figure out how much money was being spent every year paying staff and that should cinch it.
trouble: In your history emphasizing your cripples (cripples in history 2)
Okay, so, despite my brain doing its normal "you are a failure who will never do anything with your life you stupid person you" thing, I actually managed to write a good 1300 words today, and by that I mean an actual good 1300 words today as opposed to my usual dreck. I think this latest draft will actually be the one that goes someplace other than dead fish land. I'm very happy about that. I've also added a bunch of notes at the end so I remember what I wanted to add in at that point, which is great. It's nice to end because I know what I want to say rather than because I am just sitting there in helpless sadness.
Read more... )

There's a ghost in this picture, can you find it?
A very very dark photo showing a stuffed ghost
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)
(It... is Saturday in Canada, right?)

Attention thesis writers: When someone says "Your chapter will come together when you have a theory to frame it around", they are not kidding.

Oh, Chapter 2, you are the best chapter ever.

Also, semi-colons are defeating me. (No, please, don't explain. If I fret too much about it in drafting mode rather than polishing mode it becomes the bestest procrastination technique ever.)

Anyway, I have taken my original shitty draft 1 of Chapter 2, divided it up a bit better (and thus put a bunch of useless paragraphs into what will be Chapter 3), added an actual introduction that says what it's doing, rewritten a little bit of it, and although it is still a shitty draft, it is a much better shitty draft that I need to rework instead of throw out entirely. My brain is a bit tired so I'm going to be finishing up soon, but overall I am satisfied. There are more words. They are not all shite. I think the intro is good. If I smooth out this section and add in all the details I have noted to add in, this could be an excellent roughly 3/4s of Chapter 2. (I'm aiming for 5000 words, it's currently at 1,400 words, which is nothing close to 3/4s, but fixing the stuff up will add more words.)

I'm really pleased with this. I feel like I have something solid to build on now, rather than some crappy words thrown together in the hopes that they'll turn into something. I have some things I need to research (like when the VG opened. When did the VG open? "The Victoria General Hospital was established in 1887 by the City of Halifax and the provincial government when the former City and Provincial Hospital at Rockhead, on the Northwest Arm was renamed; the City and Provincial Hospital having been established in 1859.") (No, wait, "The City and Provincial Hospital opened in May 1867 and made possible the establishment of the Halifax Medical College") (Obviously the internet is not going to be helpful. Lucky I have "Century of Care" at home, which is an academic tome and thus Totally Reliable Really.)

Picture of the Victoria General Hospital in 1910)
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)
So, I went back to the doctor about the ear thing. In good news: the infection has cleared up! Yay!

In bad news: Still can't hear. He's not sure why.
all about my ear ) He did assure me that I was unlikely to die in the next week or two from random ear problems, which was nice.

Also, I got my GPA from the uni. SSHRC angst )
trouble: In your history emphasizing your cripples (in yr history emphasizing ur cripples 2)
I was checking a date on Wikipedia and discovered that - shocking! - there is wrong information on Wikipedia about the foundation of the CNIB. And then I realised that in all my reading I hadn't actually seen anything official about the relationship between Halifax and the foundation of the CNIB. And then I realised I really want to write a paper on the foundation of the CNIB. (I mean, seriously - the Dictionary of Canadian Biography online has a good bio of Fraser but somehow fails to mention that he basically pulled a lot of strings on the CNIB, as the initial Board of 13 members had 7 alumni from the Halifax Asylum for the Blind. The letters... Oh, internets, the letters I have to and from Fraser are just goldmines that apparently no one else has looked at since they were sorted, and that is both a crime and a golden opportunity for me!)

Of course, I really want to do it because Wikipedia is RONG RONG RONG and I want to fix it, and I can't do that with unpublished sources at the Nova Scotia Archives. I must, obviously, write and publish something. The sooner the better.

(As I said on twitter earlier - right thing to do! wrong reasons to do it! Ah well, whatever gets words on pages, right?)

I still also need to get my sweet self out to Fredericton, NB, because the official description of the Deaf fonds out there is not terrible illuminating and merely hints at more Dire Things having gone on when The Principal Formerly Known As Principal 2 (Woodbridge) left the Halifax Institution and went there to start a school.

In 1883 the Institution was destroyed by fire, but the next year a new structure was built on the old site, which, in turn, fell victim to the flames in 1897. For the next five years, the school was located in Old Government House. A commission, headed by Jeremiah H. Barry, was established in 1902 to investigate the finances and administrative practices of the school. The commission reported that Principal Woodbridge had mixed his own finances with those of the school and that the Institution's debts were nearly double its assets. In addition, students testified before the commission that they had been physically and emotionally abused by teachers and administrators. In December 1902 Principal A. F. Woodbridge resigned his post, and soon after government officials closed the school's doors.


For example, this somehow fails to mention that the fire was allegedly set by either Woodbridge or one of the rival schools in New Brunswick (there was a thing), and also fails to mention someone in the New Brunswick Legislature fiercely defending Woodbridge from allegations so heinous as to not be mentionable in the Legislature, while assuring everyone that the girl in question was probably lying and anyway she left. Nothing suspicious there at all.

Anyway, the latest draft of my SSHRC has been sent off to Dr. T & Dr. B., so hopefully they will work their editing magic it on it. (Or, even better, it will not need editing magic! But that is unlikely.)
trouble: A close-up of the dictionary definition of Academia (academia)
*mutter* I still can't hear our of my left ear (I think it's worse today than yesterday). It's probably just ... some sort of tubal blockage thingy. Don showed me the pictures and pointed out the tube, and now I can't remember the name of it. I've had this happen before when I flew with a cold, so I'm fairly certain it'll go away on its own, but if it's still a problem on Monday I'll call the doctor. Stupid ear. (Oh, it's totally the tube thing, just being upright and moving around is making some of the blockage seep away. Darn, I was hoping to use this as an excuse not to go to the seminar today. "I'd go, but I can't hear!")

It's SSHRC application time! Please consider me to be flailing about being anxious about the whole thing. In good news, one of the two people I wanted to approach about being one of my referee letters said yes!
Let me tell you, internets, about the SSHRC )

This is where I start talking about me again )
trouble: "The end (crossed out) Not the end, just the super dooper beginning!" (end)




8425 / 5000 words. 169% done!

Aim is to send it off to Adviser next week when she's back from her many & varied trips.

Oh my gosh I get to do Chapter 2 now and it looks so much more interesting.
trouble: "I am a blank piece of paper.  You are on a deadline.  You are so screwed." (blank page)
Woke up this morning with very sore hands (I don't know why), and very late (I also don't know why), and with three thesis-related emails:waaaa thesis )

Oh! [community profile] disabledparents: "If you are a parent with disabilities, a child of a disabled parent, a disabled person thinking of becoming a parent or if you just think this would be the right place to be."

Update

Oct. 11th, 2010 07:00 pm
trouble: Side view of a computer with books stacked behind. (working)
Working party with Ysa was good! Not excellent (I apparently needed to vent about something, which I did. For an hour.), but good enough for ice cream.

Sadly, thesis editing means I'm at -300 words from my starting point this morning.

*siiiiiiiigh*
trouble: In your history emphasizing your cripples (in yr history emphasizing ur cripples)
Let us speak of pleasant things!

[Random fact: I've got "I need you now", [YouTube] which was a power ballad in the 80s, stuck in my head because of the line "It's still haaaaaaaaard at 6 o'clock in the morning... to dream without you". As it is was 6 a.m. when I started this post [four days ago]. Yes, I'm deep. Like a puddle.]

I've had a couple of great instances lately to talk about my thesis in a non-academic setting, which reminded me how much I do love what I'm doing and how interesting it all is. Seriously, putting aside politics and big fancy academic ways of saying "other" and all that jazz, my thesis is about some really nifty people doing some really nifty things, and I love it to pieces. [I think I've talked about almost all of this before, but it's fun.]

Read more... )

Ta dum! Give me an MA, I'm awesome.

Bored Now

Sep. 25th, 2010 07:20 am
trouble: Dark Willow.  Bored now. (Bored Now Evil Willow)
So I'm pretty much at the point of complete and utter dysfunction regarding my sleep schedule, my eating habits, my internet time-wasters, and my thesis, but hey! I called my mother and we had a good chat, and then my father wrote the NDP a sternly worded email about web accessibility that he cc:ed to me and I almost fell out of my chair. So while the rest of my life is falling apart, the family thing is going well.

(I may actually see my brother sometime this calendar year too, which will be the first time since 2003. Or maybe before. Please remember that I forgot to tell my parents I was moving to China until about a week beforehand because it slipped my mind to tell them. My family & I haven't had some falling out or anything, we're just... not that sort of close. It's very strange, especially since generally my family is really awesome and I like talking to them, but it just never seems to occur to me to do so.)

I have no idea what's going on in anyone else's life, but I've sorted my Facesock's farm on Farmville to my satisfaction, gotten terribly bored of Tumblr (except for the Sailor Moon stuff), apparently made enough passive-aggressive tweets about my university being irritating about accessibility & disability issues that the student newspaper contacted me to ask if I wanted to write a column (no, because then I'd have to read the student newspaper, which proudly published an article last year about how Roman Polanski was an innocent woobie who was just framed by the system because if the 13 year old girl he raped didn't want to be raped then she shouldn't have let herself be raped), and have written exactly 0 words of my thesis since last I reported the number of words I'd written on my thesis, but HEY. My imaginary pixel trees are all nicely in order now.

I think I may have finally gotten to the point where whatever procrastination is left in my soul is just bored of procrastination, because the big things I'm looking forward to today are having tea with Ginny & Ysa (and some guys that are married to various people at this tea party but they're not as important) and then actually sitting down and writing rather than... well, anything else, actually. (Well, and Karate, but I scheduled myself to be in three places at once today so I threw everything that wasn't Ginny & Ysa and tea to the wolves.) I feel kinda bad about it because I don't want to ignore my friends, but my thesis smells like freesia really is quite nifty and it would be better if I actually wrote it so I could share it with the world.

Oh internet, let me tell you about this part of my thesis because it's really fascinating to me )
Arg, so tired. I had more thoughts on this. I guess I'll just have to write my thesis, huh?

In order to get back on track I need to have two chapters written in the next 6 days. This may actually be doable, if I buckle down and do nothing else. Which, conveniently, I can (after tea).

trouble: A pile of books with text "Original Search Engine" (thesis)


transcript )

Honestly, though, my meeting with Dr T. last week went very well, she gave me good advice. I haven't taken that advice yet (there's been a lot of non-thesis stuff keeping me from doing thesising), but her calmly laying things down as she did was very helpful to my thinking.

Still, though, this thing is kicking my ass, and I'm rather resentful of it.
trouble: "I am a blank piece of paper.  You are on a deadline.  You are so screwed." (blank page)
Hi! I have to take a break from the internet because Thesis.
<3
Anna

ETA: this is a really great post on Writing Anxiety, and that's all I'll say about that.
trouble: Old-fashioned picture of a woman with a pirate hat and a sword and a jaunty grin - "ahoy matey" (ahoy matey)
Coming up for air from thesis-writing to rec a vid: A Vindication of the Rights of Woman by [personal profile] damned_colonial. Lady Pirates! Fans! Guns! Sails! Joan Jett singing "Bad Reputation"!

I also posted one of my fav vegetarian recipes, Leek, Pepper and Pea Tortilla on [community profile] omnomnom last night. (It's a foodie comm on DW.)

So far today I have written 1172 words of shitty-first-draft of Chapter 2. I hate them all.
trouble: "History Major: If you need me, come find me in the archives" (archives)
Picture it: Halifax, 1878. A man of wealth and good breeding writes the following:

...Our Superintendent in his report claims the right of our Blind to be considered in the general system of Education. This principle is recognized in the United States, and in many of the European Nations. The Emperor of Brazil not only had an institution erected for the Blind of that country ; but also got a state endowment for it of $24,000 per annum. Turn to wherever we may, the value of Blind Institutions are being generally recognized ; so much so in England within the past few years, that a College for the higher education of the blind sons of gentlemen has been erected at Worcester, and a Royal Normal College and Academy for Music, at Upper Norwood. The Legislature of Massachusetts a few years since appropriated the sum of $80,000 to the Perkins Institution of Boston, for the erection of new buildings. Other examples of munificence might be given. Are we then in the face of these examples to stand still or go on progressing. Cannot the Institution be made practically one for th Blind of the Maritime Provinces. Cannot we be brought to recognize the fact that although the sight may be lost there is a human brain behind the forehead and a human heart beating within the breast. We should ask that the same consideration be extended to the Blind, as is given to other afflicted classes of the community. In order to advance our sympathy for all, let us do what is right for all.


I'm pretty sure that last little bit is basically "Yo, we want want the Deaf school has. And we want it now!"

I was a bit confused by the references to the Emperor of Brazil, but it turns out that Brazil was an Empire between 1822 and 1889, under Emperors Pedro I and Pedro II. The More You Know.

I'm mostly interested in how the Perkins School (that's the one that Gridley Howe was running) is perceived in Halifax. It seems to be viewed as the Greatest Thing Ever, which makes some sense being that the Superintendent is a graduate from there. But reading it in tandem with Woeful Afflictions is... interesting.

Anyway.

The individual members of your Board are personally familiar with much that is herein contained, your frequent visits to the Institution make you conversant with every detail of its internal management, but as these Reports constitute the only available literature respecting the Blind and their education, it is advisable that their circulation be extended to every part of the Maritime Provinces, in order that the public may fully understand the purposes for which the Institution is stained, and the sources from whence its annual income is derived.


That's another good one. I read it in two ways. First, I don't think the actual Board Members are nearly as involved as Fraser describes them. Second, it's again a veiled reference to the Deaf school, which is pulling in a lot more in donations right now. And also has students from everywhere.

I'm also intrigued by the constant needling at the public and the government. An example:

Realizing the importance both to the individuals and the public of utilizing a non-working class, your Board have liberally granted instruction in handicrafts to three young men, whose ages prevented their taking advantage of the course prescribed for regular pupils. This action, on your part, deserves every encouragement from the public, whom you have thus relieved from the indirect burden of their support. [emphasis mine]


Look! Look at the work we are doing! We are doing it for you, John Q. Public! You!

In case you are curious what the kids in the school were learning (by 1879):

Classes in the following branches are formed each year: Spelling, Reading in Boston, Moon, and Braille systems, Pencil and Point Writing, English Grammar, Geography, History and Arithmetic. In addition to the foregoing, two extra studies are taken up in each successive year as follows:
1 - Composition and Elocution
2 - Natural History and Heathen Mythology
3 - Natural Philosophy and Physiology
4 - Geometry and Astronomy
5 - Algebra and English Literature


IOW: Please learn to read three different styles of writing the same language because we haven't all agreed on what language to use yet. Also, learn two different ways of writing because Sighted people can't be bothered to learn Braille.

Note to self: 1880 is when the Annual Reports finally started publishing newspaper reports about the School. I wonder if they didn't show up before then, or if the new management (the President had retired) is the reason.
trouble: A pile of books with text "Original Search Engine" (thesis)
[I should note that I'm in the crankiest mood ever, so I'm trying not to actually talk to people until that goes away, since everything is growly and stupid.]

Anyway, on more pleasant: I'm still working my way through Woeful Afflictions. I had put off picking it back up after the first chapter because it was so dense. This chapter is an improvement generally in language and tone, but I came away from it wanting to scream.

First Knee-jerk Reaction:
Samuel Gridley Howe is generally seen as this great Friend To Blind People. He ran the first residential school for the blind in North America, and developed a lot of ideas on how to "train" blind people in manual labour. I think the Wikipedia Entry on Howe's work with Blind people probably gives a good idea on how people viewed - and still view - him.

Which is why reading his constant comments about how blind people are blind because their parents or grandparents were bad or sexually perverted, that blind people should never be allowed to breed because of what it would do to generations yet unborn, and that blind people were generally all-around inferior to everyone else is a tad upsetting. He also asserted that all truly right-thinking people would want to be deaf over being blind, because blind people were incapable of learning the nuances of language, and blindness should really be limited to working class people.

Awesome.

Now, in less knee-jerk and more thinky:
What's really interesting about this chapter is that Klages covers how Howe went from "Blind people: just as awesome and capable as everyone else" to "Blind people are pathetic and suffer mightily and must not ever breed or masturbate". At the founding of the Institution, Howe argued that blind people were "fully human" and quite capable of taking care of themselves and doing everything that sighted people could do. However, the Institution itself needed charitable donations. According to Klages, this contradiction caused problems in the "marking" of blind people, and, as time went on, Howe's Annual Reports presented blind people as more and more pathetic, needing donations to survive.

This is partly due to the increased industrialisation. While Howe was setting up workshops so blind adults could potentially earn a living, the same jobs were being done by machines at a faster pace and without need for food, rest, etc. So, while Howe went through and tried to present purchasing goods made by blind people as not charity, it was becoming more apparent that it was because things were being made better and faster elsewhere. Howe felt that people were less likely to purchase goods rather than just give to charity, while he wanted to create a situation where blind people were actually self-sufficient.

Klages also talks about Howe's growing ideas that blind people needed a "natural family". I had known, but forgotten, that he eventually moved his school from dormitory-style living to cottages where there were a few children and a matron. Each of these cottages, like the dormitories, were single-sex. His theory was that having a matron would prevent the children from committing "unnatural sexual acts", and segregating them would prevent the children from falling in love and marrying.

I was also really interested in reading about how Howe wrote about class. In the first years of the Institution, he had developed three "tracks" that blind people could be put on. The first was training for intellectual type work, like being lawyers or ministers. The second was being trained entirely in musical stuff, and the third was all manual stuff all the time. Later he gave up on all of that and decided everyone was getting all of the forms of education because it would allow the upper class students the chance to truly understand manual labour, and the lower classes to have a refinement to their activities. And then he gave that all up because blind - defective. *sigh*

This chapter does talk a bit about people as posters, but doesn't get nearly as "academic wank" as the last chapter did.

I have no deep & meaningful conclusions, because tired.

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